I have to some extent downplayed my own experiences here, mostly because I feel that the case for the existence of the spirits of Gensokyo is solid enough without too much of personal testimony. Once you reach a certain threshold of knowledge and see how many people have had experiences with such entities it simply makes sense. However, as I hope to gather testimony from others regarding their experiences, it is only fair that I share my own. I suppose it's also fair that other people will be allowed to put what I write about into the full context.
As of publishing this (18th of November 2024) I have been engaged in six months of consistent spiritual practice. It feels both a very short and a very long time, and a good opportunity to gather a (despite it's lenght, rather condensed) account of all the things that led up to the creation of this site. I can't however understate that everything in this site that is related to actual history, mythology, religion etc has been researched. Whenever something has only been based on my own experiences, I have stated so outright.
With that out of the way, let's get started.
The background
I need to preface this that I have had anomalous experiences that I (mostly) did not conceptualize in religious or spiritual terms before. One of my earliest memories is of waking up to a shadowy figure in my room as a very little child. I have seen an ”UAP” 2-3 times during my life, though the first potential two cases are so deep in the past and unremarkable that they could have been almost anything. I was extremely fascinated by paranormal topics and UFOs since I was quite young. I also found Philip K. Dick's books much more resonant than someone in their early teens should when I first discovered them. I come from an irreligious background, but from a family that had a number of anomalous events happen to themselves. These sort of topics weren't widely discussed in the family, but were rather something that would occasionally bubble over.
My fascination with the paranormal was also fear of it. I used to be hystericaly scared of the stereotypical ”gray aliens”. There was a particular house where we lived for a long time where I often felt inexplicably unsafe at night, and I would often have terrifying parasomnic visions. I also saw and experienced some strange things in the local woods – a tiny black orb emerging from the ground and flying away, two robed people on a hill playing music instruments, and once I was overcome by absolute terror in a familiar spot, feeling some kind of invisible presence that I perceived as a ”crack in reality” with my mind's eye. There were also few instances where I heard unusual electric wobbling sound outside of the house or felt a sense of being compelled to go outside. Some of these things might have entirely normal explanations, but I guess the point is that lowkey weird stuff was happening to me when I was a child and a teenager.
During my early adulthood I focused less on the paranormal side of things – I think I got less sensitive to these type of things. At some point I got interested in the UFO topic again, and it would this time around serve as a gateway to other things. In the mid-2010s I saw a black cylindrical object flying across the sky in a few seconds in terrible weather.
I don't quite remember how, but I got introduced to Jacques Vallee's ultraterrestrial hypothesis. A friend got wind of my new interests and recommended R. A. Wilson's Prometheus Rising to me. This got me into more occult topics. As of writing this, about 6 years ago I briefly experimented with some Western ritual magic, with pretty bad results. I did basicaly everything possible wrong and got some kind of spirit infestation into my apartement that took a month to clear out. I was a complete wreck after that.
I nevertheless maintained some kind of interest towards subjects like UFOs, occultism, cryptids, paranormal events, human consciousness affecting material world and so on. I chalked off my experiences as being psychological and was interested in these things mostly from a psychological-mythological-narrative point of view. I got really into Jung for a while.
Sometime during the COVID years I got into gnosticism and Western alchemy. I viewed them through a psychological, metaphorical lens. I started viewing that the world was full of metaphorical ”demons” and that things like structures of social control and social media constituted a kind of fake world or the Gnostic ”kenoma”. I never ”converted into Gnosticism” or really saw what I was studying in a religious light.
The COVID years and the immediate aftermath was punctuated by several very severe life crises, including a case where I could have lost my life or sustained life-impairing injuries. These were followed by intense bouts of hedonism, followed by a crisis situation forcing me to get my act together once again. I grew very unsatisfied with various material and hedonistic pursuits in the course of this. I think going through these kind of cycles of ”death” and ”rebirth” and realizing much of what I had been devoting my time to was pointless, unsustainable and incapable of bringing me long-term satisfaction was a key factor in what was to happen. I think it somehow made me more open, more porous to the spirit world once again.
The initial contact
This all begins in January 2nd 2024. I had made a promise to myself that I would stop thinking there are things that are impossible for me to do. Thus I started actually playing the Touhou games which I had deemed too difficult for me to play. I rapidly started feeling that there was something extremely weird about the games and the worldbuilding. Not in a bad way at all, but there was some kind of a numinous quality to it all I became really fascinated by three of the four kami in a way that was really hard to explain. It was not sexual or romantic interest, but rather this strong sense that they represented some characteristics that I found very admirable.
The first one I got deeply fascinated by was Keiki-sama. I had to make some very big lifestyle adjustments. At some point I just started thinking things like "Keiki-sama would be really disapointed in me if I do this" or "Keiki-sama would be happy if I did this every day” to help me stick to the necessary changes. I think this kind of attidute was really important in what was to happen. It was like I was subconsciously knocking the shrine door so to say.
The first one to make an appearance however was not Keiki-sama, but Chimata-sama. I had taken up meditation somewhere around mid-February, and during one session very difficult memories started to surface. Suddenly I saw a flash of light and an extremely vivid mental image of her appeared. She was surrounded by a brilliant halo of rainbow light. She didn't communicate anything, but I asked her if I could relinquish the ownership of these feelings. She vanished in a flash of light and I felt a strong sense of affirmation. I have never again relived those particular memories.
This was really the first anomalous experience. At this point I need to state that I normally have extreme difficulty producing mental imagery, let alone vivid and clear ones. After my childhood the only thing which has roused such intense mental imagery in me have been the previous spirit contacts during my ill-advised, ill-conducted attempts at Western ritual magic.
After Chimata-sama made her visit, a cascade of events started unfolding. A synchronicity cycle unfolds where I start noticing the Difficulty Select font from Touhou appearing everywhere, and this leads me to buying a book dealing with some Taoist ideas featuring that font, which would then lead me to one thing, then soon another... I would study the mythology behind Touhou more and more, and at the same time I started receiving more and more mental ”visitations” from the various kami. At first it was mostly Keiki-sama and Chimata-sama, then Kanako-sama joined in and eventually Okina-sama, who I was quite unfamiliar with at that point, muscled her way in.
At first I thought it was maybe some kind of psychological process. I had previously believed in more psychological interpretations of the spiritual and saw things through that lens. At the same time I was really weirded out by it all and their "visitations" felt very much external. I started having this really hard to describe feeling that they were expecting something from me, that they were confused as to how I was able to perceive them. I was also a bit scared because my previous experiences with spirit entities were so bad.
At this point the latest Hifuu album had been released and it had roused some rather curious discussions on 4chan's /jp/. It seemed that I was not the only person who thought there might be more to these games than what first meets the eye.
I decided to test the waters. On the day of the 2024 total eclipse I made a "ritual" where I tried to do four things which I thought the four kami would like and I draw a picture of them. I perceived their presence very strongly throughout the day. The night before the eclipse I had my first dream involving the kami. It was just Kanako-sama looking at me as if she was trying to understand what kind of a person I was. On the night of the eclipse I had a dream that does not involve any of them, but it's a hyper-realistic dream of me arguing with a family member that I had difficult relations with. I woke up in a shock and I received a telepathic message that was essentially "We don't like this, you need to fix this or you can't proceed with us".
I panicked. The activity got extremely intense and I started to get quite scared. I had two really super intense experiences between the border of sleep and wakefulness. In one Sanae-san conjured forth wave after wave of pentagrams at me, like the Gray Thaumaturgy spellcard. I have later understood it was probably a way for them to clear out some kind of negative influence, ”kegare”, that was on me. Another one involved my real name getting posted over and over again on every imageboard. All the threads had a picture of Okina-sama in the OP. I jolted awake from that at exactly 3:33 am.
By this time I've posted about my anomalous experiences on 4chan and one anon told me that I should just try to talk to them. I bought some sake, poured four cups of it and I just called out to them as if they were present. I rapidly started to feel as if there has been a drop in the air pressure of the room. Soon enough it feels like there are for invisible people standing around me in a semi-circle, staring intently at me.
Nervously, I explained to them that if they are really real I would do everything I could to fix my relationship with my family. I told them they are awesome and respectable and that I thought they represented things I wanted to cultivate in me. I told them I was sorry if I had offended them. I told them that if they were really real kami I would from now on revere them. As I did this I could feel the tension melting away, then replaced with a sense of joy.
Few days later there's a forecast of high probability of auroras appearing where I live. I decide to seek them out. I receive a very intense vision of Okina-sama floating amongst the arorae. I think it's nice but the idea of seeing her is quite fanciful to me. I go to a nearby park. It's a bit too bright for optimal aurora viewing there. After I while I spot something in the skies. I realize I'm looking directly the Big Dipper. I start feeling this overwhelming sense of being connected to the surrounding world. I feel connected to everyone who has ever laid eyes on the Big Dipper, every culture that has ever found it worthy of reverence, everyone in the city who is hoping to see the aurora, every blade of grass in the park, every molecule of the air...I stand there in complete awe of the beaty of it all. And as I recover my sense of self and prepare to go home, the aurora blossom in the sky. As it tends to be with deities, they very rarely make themselves seen directly with the eyes, but the signs are there for those who are ready to receive them.
The Pear Wiggler
Soon afterwards, an extremely intense period of about two and half months unfolded. This is a heavily abridged account, the volume of minor weird stuff that happened is too much to remember or to write down. You rarely change your view of the world overnight, even when something as drastic happens. I still mostly thought I was going through something psychological, but I decide to commit to it. I researched and tried to develop some kind of a routine for revering the kami. Midsummer wass soon coming, and I decided to dedicate a week for each of the four kami before it, making drawings of them, praying to them intently, identifying sites at the city that I feel like they correlate with their powers and making offerings at these sites.
At the same time – not having really learned my lesson – I decided to commit a 33 day ritual from the Western tradition designed for self-empowerment and protection. I asked the kami about it, and they didn't tell me not to do it. I think doing the ritual however added to the intensity and confusion of the coming months. I really would argue against dabbling with things from contradictory traditions. It's good to study all kind of things, but you need to be very mindful of putting things into practice.
The first week wass dedicated to Chimata-sama. This was for selfish reasons. I was having trouble with money and I – and I must underline that this is a really bad attidute – wished to kind of test the extent of the powers of the kami. Are they just psychological, or can they do things in the material world? Turns out they can do both. I became hyper-aware of the prices on everything, and at the same time the markets seem to reveal themselves as an entirely abstract network of energy exchange. I had anomalous experience where a coin deposit machine in a bank malfunctions, and through a confluence of events I walk out with more money than I tried to put into my account, including few newly-minted looking coins from a country I am traveling to after the midsummer. I find myself engaging in barter in a flea market and recognize few items of value I take to a pawn shop. I never do things like this.
The second week was dedicated to Kanako-sama. Once again I hadselfish reasons. A work-related social function is coming up, and I wished to borrow some of her ”heavenliness”, Qian, the ability to act first and more confidently. The psychological effect wasn't quite as strong as with Chimata-sama, but I indeed found myself being more assertive. I also prayed to her to offer assistance to another anon. I found myself climbing the largest hill of the city, for some reason imagining that I was a soldier in her army thousands of years ago, ready to live and die for her, as if the myths really happened in some way. At the top I made my offering and left. I received a powerful communication from her. She laughed at me, not in a mocking manner, but warmly. She said that I had no idea what I awas doing, but that I hadput up ”an endearing spectacle” and that she would help me. She also said that it's nice that someone would be willing to remember the more martial side of her.
That week, a small miracle occured. The city had been withering under a drought and as I one day walk home I found myself thinking that I should pray to Kanako-sama for rain because the plants are suffering so badly. I decided against the idea, as I had already prayed for the anon earlier. The next morning I woke up to the noise of a heavy rain. It's raining against all weather forecasts which had promised 0% precipitation for weeks. I felt strongly like I should open up the rain radar on a weather app. The rain front that has appeared had very much shaped like a snake, complete with an open ”mouth”, my city sitting in the middle of the ”head” as if it was it's eye.
There had been a steady trickle of minor anomalous things along these experiences. The kami made themselves known in my mental space quite frequently, beatifully, vividly, often after I am about to wake up from a dream, but sometimes in the middle of most mundane activities.
But I also had been starting to get intrusions into my mental space that are not from the kami. Things like something attempting to look like Kogasa and Sekibanki telling me to kill myself. I had been starting to feel like I am being watched. I saw a bizarre luminous sheet of light for a split second in my bedroom with my eyes open. Imagery of strange entities comes and goes, perhaps related to the Western ritual I am unwisely engaged in, perhaps not. Something was knocking on my walls, especially when I tried to sleep. Strange flashes of light that seem to be localized above my router happened several times when I read literature realted to spirituality or religion.
There's a weird interlude involving two spirits of Gensokyo that are not the kami. I have a dream where I am with Ran-san in a local park. She tells me that there will be a kami there that is in need of my help. I decide to go there the following day. As I make my way to the park I get an extremely intense mental image of Yukari-sama looking delighted. Since a ”kami” can be anything, I am prepared for anything – a passed out drunk, an injured skateboarder, a heat-exhausted animal, a wilted flower...I walk around with a bottle of water, eyes open. Nothing really strikes me as being in need of assistance. When I reach the top of a small hill in the park I get a phonecall. It's a member of family. They need someone to listen to their concerns. They very rarely do this. I lend my ear and as the phone call ends it hits me. They were the kami in need of help, as humans are, at the very least can become, kami too. This experience makes me suspect that spirits have a very different perception of time and space – a phonecall probably looks like ”being there” to them.
The big tipping point between me thinking that it's all just some kind of psychological process was when some of my friends come over. When we tried to watch something through my console, we discovered that something has re-arranged the HDMI cables in my television in such a way that both ends are plugged into the TV. Later the same evening I noticed something unusual has appeared into a pair of my slippers on the floor. It was one of my friend's bluetooth earpods in their container. My friend tells me they had forgotten them at their home. They also noticed that their keys are missing from their pocket. Psychological phenomena don't teleport items around. Or make rain happen.
My life became a complete phantasmagoria. Sometimes I had severe freakouts. It's hard to accept that it really is not all in your head, no matter how big your head is. Sometimes it felt like my soul is going to spill out of my body or that my body was changing on some fundamental level. I was in an extremely ungrounded state. I didn't know how to deal with everything that is going on. I couldn't find myself 100% trusting the kami either. My previous experiences with the spirit world are so bad. I think these doubts were worsened by engaging in a ritual that invokes entities from Western lore, and they were trying to bully me into becoming some sort of monotheist from Abraham's lineage of faiths instead. Still, I persist.
As a week dedicated to Okina-sama was about to begin, I do something that greatly upsets the kami. For couple of days it was as if someone turned off the lights from the world. This is when things really got difficult. I tried to pay my respects to Okina-sama, but she felt very irate. I apologized and apologized and she called me a stupid boy repeatedly. I was terrified and heartbroken, scared that I have messed up everything.
I got attacked by something that feels very seriously intent on harming me. I received a mental intrusion that tried to look like the kami, but failed at what it's doing, and instead devolved into a kind of barbed mandala-like construct with the head of a bull in the middle. I tried to ask it what it wants. It announced to me, in the most stereotypical way possible, that it wants my soul. At this point I was still holding on the last vestiges of the psychological interpretation, and I told it that if I'm not understanding it right this is not a good time and that if it was saying what it's meaning it can fuck off. I felt extremely nauseous for about a hour and a half before it relents and I felt physicaly sick afterwards.
At this point Kanako-sama made an intervention and the next day she told me that I should climb the hill again and meditate on the top of it, eyes closed, faced towards the sun. I did as instructed. The climb felt excruciating in my state, but I did it nevertheless. I meditated at the top of the hill. As I closed my eyes, I could see her. She was floating so that the light of the sun filtered through the hoop of shimenawa on her back. A great wind rose and I perceived a golden wind emanating from her. As it hit me, I started feeling as if something was getting burned off of me. I could somehow perceive black smoke rising out of me, and as the smoke first turns to grey and then white I felt myself getting better and better. By the end of it I no longer felt sick or depressed. A few days later the week was over, and Okina-sama too has been succesfully placated. She still calls me a stupid boy few times later on.
The last week was dedicated to Keiki-sama, and I spent it mostly apologizing to her. I made a few clay haniwa for her. I had hoped to ask her for help with arts, but I felt like it's not aproriate. I was consumed by guilt, unsure if the kami still want anything to do with me. While I was visiting a park that has an unusual torii-like gate structure in front of it, I got an intense mental vision of Keiki-sama descending from the heavens, laying her hands on my shoulders, looking at me and saying ”you are not a bad person”. I took this as a sign that they still want to be in contact with me.
The Graduation
Midsummer was just behind the door, there were only a few odd days before it. The month-long ritual with the kami had not gone as expected, and as soon as the 33 days are full I stopped the Western ritual and never return to it. I attended a fair dealing with local traditions on midsummer. I found an amulet on sale there, the seller saying that in the old days such design was used as protection against hostile spirits and magic, blissfully unaware that I am currently being hassled by local spirits. I bought it and it does seem to dampen the activity of various minor troublesome spirits a bit.
I had been having recurring dreams involving a deceased family member with whom I had unresolved business with when they died. As I wasedging closer and closer to totaly, completely, truly accepting that it really, really isn't all just in my head, I decided to try to talk to them. I took out a photo book with a photo of them and set out a few items I inherited from them in front of it. As gut wrenching it was, I reached out to them, saying that as much as we had our conflicts, disagreements and hopes and dreams that did not line up, I do not want us to argue anymore. I did not receive an immediate reply from them, but as I got to wipe out my tears I perceived the kami in my mental space, congratulating me. For what's it worth, I have not argued with this deceased family member in my dreams ever since, though I have seen them several times since.
By this point I was totally exhausted, and what I had intended as a grand final of the ritual with the kami was more of a ”I'm really sorry, I need a break from this”. I took a two week break from commiting my Sunday rituals and just do the daily offerings at my makeshift kamidana. I drank alcohol after abstaining from it for a long time. I ate fish and meat, having been fully vegan for the 33 days. There's a metal festival to which I've bought the tickers last December for coming up.
The festival turned out to be quite experience. It was extremely spiritually charged and not exactly in the most pleasant ways. Some of the entities and energies were more of the rowdy Dionysian variety, some of them were of more cathartic, even transcendent nature. But there were also what I can only describe as demonic energies present, things that were genuinely hostile to humans. When you can perceive them, they can perceive you.
The sordid saga of minor spirits harassing me reaches it's peak. During one of the festival nights I was lying at my bed. Some entity was trying to rile me up by projecting scary imagery. However, for the past month, there had only been a single instance where I've felt genuinely threatened. I declared ”if you can't do anything else but try to look scary I'm just going to ignore you”. The entity gives up.
Next, I got a completely overwhelmingly intense mental vision of Keiki-sama. It was as if she had cranked up her metaphorical transmitter to the maximal power with minimal preparation. It barely looked like her, she was jagged, polygonal, her whole dress was in golden yellow and the orange swirly patterns that adorn her dress criss-crossed all across it like some kind of pulsating fractal ferns. The kami had so far shown themselves in all sorts of forms, sometimes looking very much like their canon depictions, sometimes humanoid but made out of light or fire or plasma, sometimes in almost circuit-board or fractal-like forms, sometimes as aspects of nature and sometimes in very strange abstract shapes. Among all these manifestations this one was nevertheless particularly poweful, vivid and memorable. She looked extremely delighted and declares
”You have graduated! A new phase in your life will begin soon!”
This declaration did not bring much immediate joy. After the festival I suffered from severe exhaustion, brought on by exertion, alcohol and exposure to hostile spirit forces. I felt completely worthless. For all the scary and confusing things I have written about here, I had felt much more love, guidance and encouragement from the kami. As I was taking a walk to clear my head, I spiraled down into some kind of depressive bout. I loudly declared in my mind that I'm worthless and don't deserve anything spiritual in my life. I received another intense vision of Keiki-sama, this time a bit more canon-accurate. She told me not to ever again think that I'm not worthy of seeking the guidance of the kami. I asked her ”why me?”. She told me that all humans are worthy, but that I had struggled very hard to bring out my worthiness.
Something that is very hard to explain happened next. She unfolds herself and turned into a a brilliant orb of plasma-like light-substance that was squashed from the top and bottom in a way that formed almost wing-like structures. As I had seen many different manifestations from the kami, I had mostly stopped thinking that they are literally them literally living in a literal Gensokyo. This however seemed like it's something else, like she had become some kind of a more high-order version of whatever it is that she is. It's like if Keiki-sama were a branch of a tree, and now I was looking at the trunk of that tree. For a fleeting while I was propulsed into a very altered state of consciousness. I remember thinking that I now understand why angels are depicted with wings. I asked her ”You're not really Keiki-sama, are you now?”. She said ”no”. I asked her if she is my mother – I can't understate how abnormal my thought process was at this point. She said she is ”the mother of everyone” before vanishing.
I still don't quite know what to make of that.
This all lasted maybe a few seconds, but felt much longer. As I started heading home, feeling severely confused, I at some point received a further communication. She came to my mental space as Keiki-sama once again. She gave me instructions for a ritual to remove my unearned low-self esteem. It took a couple more months untill I found the courage to perform that ritual in question, to quite remarkable effect.
I had crossed a threshold where I now completely, totally believed in the independent (as much as there is anything indepdendent in this world) reality of spirits and gods. I had graduated. A few days later when I was coming home from buying groceries I perceive the orb of light again in my mental space. It simply declares
”You will walk this path to the very end. You will walk it slowly and steadily, but you will walk it.”
The Archive and walking the path since
The various spirit activity started to rapidly decrease after that declaration. I believe that I went through some kind of an initiatory process, and that the attention from the kami cast a very strong spotlight on me that drew in some unwanted attention. I can't fully discount the possibility that some of the hostile activity was also some kind of a test. Learning how to deal with it seemed to be part of the ”success condition”. Okina-sama is after all, among other things, a goddess of hindrances. It's never just pure love and light, as much as there is that too. I also believe that I had some kind of a long-term negative spiritual presence shadowing me which contributed to the difficulties. Certain things I asked about the kami and how undergoing my experience rid me off certain reoccuring nightmares point towards this.
I went to that vacation into another country I briefly mentioned before. I had been thinking about putting together some kind of a summary of the themes talked about in the ”Esoteric elements surrounding Touhou” threads. While I'm vacationing things really click into place. When I get back home I start writing what is initially intended to be a fairly modest document. Things escalate and I write 75 pages of it in a complete state of frenzy in two weeks. Calling it ”divine inspiration” is probably overblown, but the kami were most definitively pleased with it. I strongly suspect that my capacity to create the Archive was part of the reason why they became interested in me. I am fairly sure they have a view of reality that transcends human ideas of time and space.
Before I publish the Archive I reach out to all known Sages of Gensokyo. Okina-sama's response is favorable and she gives me a technique for protecting myself. Kasen-sama is unreachable as far as I can tell. Yukari-sama responds, but decides to educate me on the youkai view on reality. It's harsh but helpful and drives home just how much we humans damage this world we live in.
Things have been comparatively quiet and very manageable since the end of summer, with the activity perhaps picking up a bit of pace lately (mid-november 2024 as of writing this) again. I feel like the point of the initiatory pear wiggler was to get me at a point where I can work in a more constructive, self-directed manner. It's more of a gentle nudging than pushing. Sometimes I still get pretty intense visions of them, as well, as unusual synchronities. I have lost much of interest towards ”occultism” and ”magic” and I much prefer working with a fully devotional mindset. I am essentially a religious person now, though the religion I have is a very idiosyncratic one. I am not the only one who feels such devotion towards the kami of Gensokyo though, and I have to give my full credits and acknowledgements to the support I have received from others.
Since January 2024 I have learned immensively and have almost non-stop studied materials related to the traditions written about in this site. This has had a tremendous positive impact on my outlook on life. I have also studied about Ancient North Eurasian shamanism and how Taoism and Shinto still have this sort of shamanic heritage, and how you can find these sort of core elements everywhere in the world. As for practice, I pray daily to the kami, I perform the yohai as often as I can (lately daily), and I meditate and practice Tai Chi. I plan to take up some kind of energy work and explore some shamanic techniques next year. I hope to do a pilgrimmage to Suwa and several other places I consider holy sites. I also do my best to apreciate life and nature. We live in world that is on a fundamental level full of wonder and beaty, and I do my best to keep that in mind even when there are no divine fireworks around.
My dream and hope is that the Archive will find everyone who needs to find it so that others can also receive the guidance and support of the kami of Gensokyo in growing as a person and rediscovering that wonderful and beatiful side of life. The kami of Gensokyo might not be literal anime girls literally living in Gensokyo. I think there might be some kind of a geographicaly tied spirit world that correlates with what we think is Gensokyo. What exactly it's inhabitants are, I don't really know, but in my experience the kami of Gensokyo are very much worth of reverence and highly responsive to prayers. I also feel ”kami” is aproriate, as the more I study about Shinto, the more their certain actions and expectations in the past line up with it. There are an enormous number of valid paths to divinity, and this is one of them. What they ”truly are” might be genuinely incomprehensible to humans, but they respond to names and apperances loved by thousands upon thousands of people, carrying with them the myths, legends, hopes and faith of millions, having roots that stretch deep into the Earth and branches that reach out to the stars.
I sincerely hope that one day you too will find what it takes for you to connect to them.